Does the World Know Us by Our Love?

Oprah Winfrey recently shared a story of a friend whose adult daughter had shockingly cut off all contact with her via text message. The woman was so surprised by the text that she feared someone had kidnapped her daughter and stolen her phone. As it turns out, the daughter’s therapist had influenced her to put boundaries on her mother, causing her to sever the relationship altogether.

According to Psychology Today, 1 in 4 adults is estranged from at least one parent. Younger generations have largely decided that sometimes the best way to deal with difficult relationships is to end them altogether. No doubt, there are wise and healthy reasons that boundaries are necessary in certain circumstances, but claiming you are not being loved the way you deserve—as many believe—is not a healthy reason to stop all contact with your family members or friends. 

The world tells us to make sure we are being fulfilled in our relationships, and if not, the healthiest option may be to move on. However, Christians don’t live by the world’s standards. Just like with every aspect of our lives, we are called to be different. Christians loving one another may set us apart from the world, but more importantly, it will shine a bright light on the gospel of Jesus. 

Living Out the “One Anothers”

Jesus and His disciples were gathered in an upper room the night before His crucifixion (John 13). Having just revealed who among them (Judas) would betray Him, Jesus told His disciples, “A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another. By this all will know that you are My disciples, if you have love for one another” (vv. 34–35). One of the last things Jesus said to His disciples before lovingly laying down His life for the world was to love one another.

Christians loving one another may set us apart from the world, but more importantly, it will shine a bright light on the gospel of Jesus.

The New Testament contains almost 60 “one another” guidelines for us to live by, and they are not easy. In fact, without the Holy Spirit’s working in our lives, I believe they’re impossible. “Encourage” (Hebrews 3:13, NASB), “edify” (1 Thessalonians 5:11), “bear with” (Colossians 3:13)—many of these guidelines require action on our part. But isn’t that the Christian life? Ours is an active faith. After all, as He was leaving this earth, our Lord told us in what is known as the Great Commission to go (Matthew 28:19). But the most important “one another” instruction, listed more times than any other, is what Jesus told His disciples that night in the upper room: “Love one another” (John 13:34).

Jesus didn’t tell His disciples to love the world. He knew the world hated Him and that it would hate His disciples too (15:18–19). Instead, He told them to love each other, and in doing so, the world would see they were followers of the one true God. What does that kind of love look like in our daily lives? Let’s break them down into three practical patterns. 

Patterns of Loving One Another

1. Commit to Stay

Our culture normalizes walking away from relationships when they become hard, painful, and unfulfilling. As Christians, we should be known as those who remain when all others leave. Again, this trait is not black and white, and we must rely on godly wisdom to know the difference between abusive and simply hard relationships. 

The apostle Paul told the church in Phillipi,

Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others. Let this mind be in you which was also in Christ Jesus (Philippians 2:3–5). 

We should be known as those who remain when all others leave.

Christ chose to remain with those who were difficult. Our relationships with brothers and sisters in Christ should be diverse. If your friends sat around a table, would it be filled with different personalities and levels of spiritual walk and need? Are there some for whom you have to spend extra time in prayer because after every conversation you feel exhausted enough to take a nap? Some of my dearest relationships are with people I would never have contact with if not for our bond in Christ. I have been shaped and molded in ways I never knew I could because of the Holy Spirit’s work through relationships in which I stayed when I realized we were more different than I hoped. In those hard moments, pray and stay. This is truly countercultural.

2. Speak Truth

“Well, that’s your truth” is a common postmodern phrase that people use when someone disagrees with what they believe. As Christians, we know that God’s truth is the only truth. Followers of Jesus should be known for speaking His truth in a kind manner to everyone, but especially fellow believers. In Ephesians 4, Paul taught that truly loving and speaking truth to one another requires maturity within the body of Christ and is an overflow of the unity we have through the Holy Spirit. 

Hard truth and kindness can go hand in hand.

Practically speaking, everything we say should be motivated by love. But supernaturally speaking, we cannot accomplish this without the work of the Holy Spirit. Part of love is speaking hard truths to fellow believers in Jesus. Hard truth and kindness can go hand in hand. Sometimes, calling to attention a dear friend’s sin is the kindest and most loving thing you can do. “Open rebuke is better than love carefully concealed. Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are deceitful” (Proverbs 27:5–6). We must be truth-tellers to those we love—both Christians and non-Christians—but the reaction Christians should have to loving rebuke should demonstrate to the world that we are unified with our fellow believers in Jesus. 

3. Continually Give of Ourselves

I remember hearing of a childhood friend who had left her husband and children to live life focused on herself. She did not feel fulfilled in her work at home serving her family and decided to live her life as a single woman, being able to come and go as she pleased. Left alone, her husband and children were devastated, not understanding what they could have done differently. It’s easy for us to point at an extreme example like this and pray to God, “Thank you that I am not like this woman!” Yet, we quietly hold grudges against our spouses for not fulfilling expectations we believe we deserve. We decide to stop serving at church because no one else will serve as much as we do. We resent the friend who hardly asks how we’re doing. Are we really that much different?

Scripture teaches us to have the same attitude that Jesus had. What was that attitude? He emptied Himself and became a servant and was humble and obedient all the way to His death on the cross (Philippians 2:5–8). Yikes! How could we ever live up to this standard?

But rather than fill us with shame, these verses should motivate us to give ourselves as living sacrifices in whatever capacity God sees fit—whether allowing your spouse to sleep while you care for your crying baby in the middle of the night or offering your home to a child in need. Our hands are open and our trust is strong, knowing God—not we ourselves—is meeting our every need according to His good pleasure. 

Let’s go back to the upper room in John 13, where Jesus told His disciples to love one another. The disciples did not fully comprehend at that moment what that new commandment entailed. Peter did not know he would boldly preach the gospel of Jesus in the Temple out of love for his Jewish brothers and sisters in a few short months. He did not know he would be encouraging and teaching the Diaspora in his letters of 1 and 2 Peter. The apostle John did not know he would be writing brothers and sisters in Christ while exiled as an old man, guiding them to know the truth from error while encouraging them to love one another in 1, 2, and 3 John. 

None of us know specifically how God is going to use us if we sacrificially and humbly give ourselves fully to Him. Loving our brothers and sisters in Christ and loving the world by sharing the Good News of the gospel is God’s desire for us. He gladly partners and empowers us to do so, not because He needs us but because He wants to include us in what is close to His heart. Living with this mindset makes all the other self-centered desires seem childish and fleeting.

In a culture marked by broken relationships, believers have a beautiful opportunity to remain committed to one another, speak truth with humility, and give of themselves—and the world will notice. This is what a supernatural love looks like to a dark and lost world.

Photo Credit: Adobe Stock

About the Author

Sarah Fern

Sarah is the Media Content Strategist for The Friends of Israel Gospel Ministry. She lives in the Knoxville, TN area with her husband, Martin, and their son.